kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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