I didn't shave. On purpose
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
