Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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