I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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