her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
