He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
jump out the window naked night went bad
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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