if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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