ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
