i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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