we have officially lost it.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
