Yo dont text me then not text me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
even my farts smell like vagina
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
