just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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