Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
