Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
