I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize