I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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