kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
