I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
