are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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