love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
