I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
