My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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