guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
