Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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