i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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