There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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