we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
