My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
