Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
