i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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