I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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