I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
