All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
