it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
