This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"