There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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