i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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