So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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