Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
