you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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