What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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