Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Randomize
