I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
