um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
