she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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