That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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