In the future we'll all be gay
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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