i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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