I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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