I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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