bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
