just tell him i said nine months
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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