i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
