this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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