He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
