I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
