the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
