:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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