He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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