I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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