i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
