This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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