He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
