ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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