His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
