if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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